Julz (glowxstarz) wrote,
Julz
glowxstarz

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Anticipation

It's sometimes depressing when I step back and take a look at the way my life is turning out, or rather the route I have taken with it. I remember being so focused on what it was I was going to do after high school. What school I was going to attend, where I was going to live, what career I was going to pursue and so forth. My life was planned ahead of me step by step and look at me now.

I'm stuck living with my parents. I didn't even get my AA while being out in Kansas City...but who can defeat mental breakdowns..they do have ways of destroying people's lives. I hate that I feel stuck here. If I had it my way I would be back in Missouri, working part-time at UHAH with the people I love, I'd be taking courses at Johnson County and just living a carefree life...but when has life been ever that pure and simple for me?

I'm so excited I get to go to Kansas City next week...however I do wish I could stay out there for longer. I'm only going out there for a week to finish sorting through my belongings and bring back with me whatever I choose to keep. It's a good thing I don't care to hold on to things anymore...I used to be a huge pack rat. It's funny the changes I've made, how cold I've become with myself and how much more harder I am on myself. I know it's not good for me or healthy at all, but what else can a girl do?

But anyway I'm happy that I at least get to see my girls and Matt and Catie...I miss them so much. I miss them more than my own family...that should say something. I miss being on my own and having a place to disappear and get away. It's almost impossible to have that sort of privacy under my parents household.
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It sounds like you really rather be there....sometimes you should put your own happiness before all others...funny i can give advice but cant take my own. You really remind me of ...guess who... me!....you should think of yourself and what you really want in life, instead of always putting others before yourself.....if that is what your doing..
Ha! I doubt I'll ever be able to put myself before anyone, I rather be miserable and make other's happy because that makes me happy...if it makes any sense at all.