Julz (glowxstarz) wrote,
Julz
glowxstarz

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Anticipation

It's sometimes depressing when I step back and take a look at the way my life is turning out, or rather the route I have taken with it. I remember being so focused on what it was I was going to do after high school. What school I was going to attend, where I was going to live, what career I was going to pursue and so forth. My life was planned ahead of me step by step and look at me now.

I'm stuck living with my parents. I didn't even get my AA while being out in Kansas City...but who can defeat mental breakdowns..they do have ways of destroying people's lives. I hate that I feel stuck here. If I had it my way I would be back in Missouri, working part-time at UHAH with the people I love, I'd be taking courses at Johnson County and just living a carefree life...but when has life been ever that pure and simple for me?

I'm so excited I get to go to Kansas City next week...however I do wish I could stay out there for longer. I'm only going out there for a week to finish sorting through my belongings and bring back with me whatever I choose to keep. It's a good thing I don't care to hold on to things anymore...I used to be a huge pack rat. It's funny the changes I've made, how cold I've become with myself and how much more harder I am on myself. I know it's not good for me or healthy at all, but what else can a girl do?

But anyway I'm happy that I at least get to see my girls and Matt and Catie...I miss them so much. I miss them more than my own family...that should say something. I miss being on my own and having a place to disappear and get away. It's almost impossible to have that sort of privacy under my parents household.
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