I was fired last Monday. I'm still trying to decide whether that was a good thing or a bad one. Good because I had begun to dread every single day I had to drive to work and wished that something tragic would happen to where I didn't have to make it to work. Bad because now I'm broke, I'm horrible at saving money and must make whatever I have left last.
I went to Kansas City last week and loved it. Wished I never had left the place. It was great seeing everyone. I miss them dearly. Lindsay went with me, and she liked it as well. I only wish that we could have stayed there longer.
Other things have been getting to me as well. Lindsay finally started her new job in San Diego...well in Escondido and she wants me to move out there and it's something I wouldn't mind doing because they have really good schools in San Diego and I think I want to get back into Zoology and all. But I don't know if that's really the best thing to do. I mean I want to be with her and all...but yeah I don't know...certain feelings have arised and last night she even asked whether I was breaking up with her and I wasn't, but the thing that threw me off guard is that I actually had to think of my answer...sigh. I'm not saying that I'm unhappy in the relationship, but I do get sad sometimes about it. It's all a big mess. Lately it's also felt like we're more like friends than lovers. What to do!?
Sometimes it seems I ignore the people who love me as much as I am capable of loving someone and not them. This was written to me by one of those people I didn't return feelings for.
I never thought I'd feel this way, I can feel you even when your not here.
I was so scared to love again but just like an angel you conquered that fear.
Just when I'd given up all hope and ready to give it all in, you helped me rediscover the love I still have deep within.
You hold my hand and I can feel, you are stealing my heart, I wish you'd always been there to guide me from the start.
When I'm with you by your side I know you will always be there, to protect my broken heart and mend it with love and care.
So please understand my sweet angel I cant help but fall in love with you, but always know this one thing you are my angel, its true!