So my dear dear friend is finally performing. Something she's waited to do for a long time. I'm so happy for her, but at the same time the news makes me kind of sad because I'm of course not 21 to get into the place. Sigh...oh well as if life right. But then again it's what you make of it. You know I never understood that phrase...well yeah, but it really makes no sense to say it at times because there are so many damn restrictions and laws that you really can't make life what you want out of it...because either you're too young, or you're too this and that and what you will. So I say fuck it, fuck that damn phrase!...yet I'll still use it :(
Hmmm...that's a thought. Something I've come to realize. I hate sex. I do. I was thinking about this earlier while driving home from going to the Long Beach Aquarium with Lindsay...
Yes I love to make out. Sometimes that's all I'll ever want from someone. But like I find it so freakin amusing when the other person ends up being turned on and I'm like ummm..."I sure as hell hope don't think you're getting some from me!" Seriously if I'm making out with someone, and I'm not making a move on them or whatever, don't think that just because you make a move on me, you'll get me in bed, for all you know I could be fucken bored with the way you kiss, but continue to kiss you anyway, so you won't feel completely rejected. How fucked up of me, no? Oh well. Hmmm...I guess what brought this on was thinking back on my ex-boyfriends...it's funny how they thought I would put out...keep fucken dreaming!...Then again it's the same with girls. Only if you have my interest and all will you have any chance with me.
And if you had me and then you didn't know to keep me, I'm sorry for you too. You might as well move on because more than anything, I'm far off away from you...and could careless to play games.
So yes. If I don't make a move on you. I don't like you. I'm not interested in you. If I don't flirt with you. It means just the same. So quit trying, you're only wasting my time and yours. If I don't baby you, if I'm not affectionate towards you...then more than anything I will never be so because the thought of it may just make my skin crawl.
Okay it seems like I'm just rambling on. I should just be straight forward with what I'm saying.
I want the things I can't have.
If you throw yourself at me and offer me the world and all, you will be rejected.
If you fall for me first, you will be rejected.
If you're turned on before I am while kissing, chances are, you'll end up sexually frustrated.
If I'm giving you half as kisses its because I have no desire to be kissing you.
Once again I want the things I can't have and if you try and change things to where you were once trying to get at me and then read this journal entry and thought to yourself...hmmm maybe I should play hard to get...I'll see straight through you and you'll only put me off even more.
If I don't want you, you will never have me. If I want you, I will never have you. Plain and simple as that. And if you have me, you won't know how to keep me, because you'll be so selfish and too into yourself as are most people I fall for. Or you won't know how to appreciate what it means to be with me.
If you make me your world, you'll be rejected. If you try and spoil me you'll be rejected. If you try too hard you will be rejected. If you annoy me on sight you will be rejected. If I don't declare or show any signs of interests in you, I never will be and you will be rejected. If you had me and let me go and I still had feelings for you, then you have lost me, things won't ever go back to being the same and I would not want to go back to anything when you set me free. I will see it as I wasn't making you happy. That I'm not the one you see. I'm not the one you desired. The one you adored. The one you wanted. If you set me free, then that's the end of it, unless I'm a fool for you and make exceptions...but how often do I really do that. Show me you're worth it. Then the rest of you just fuck off!
Oh yes and I can't stand those that make it all about sex. That only think about sex, that only want sex and need sex. Sex isn't important and if I'm sleeping with you and you try and get some every fucken night or 24/7 and you're the one making the moves, more than likely I'll be faking it and believe me I'm a pro at that! Don't get me wrong, if you're someone I desire, someone can turn me on, kudos to you! :)
I can't stand those that make relationships their world and are scared to be alone and are miserable to be alone. I can't stand those that think it's the end of the world when they get dumped. Get a fucken life! I HATE those that try and get me to make them my world when I have better things to do and focus on. Like my own freakin life, chances are you won't know how to keep me, so why make someone my world that can't even hold my interest, or can't appreciate me for me.
Fuck off! I utterly can't stand judgemental and manipulative bitches! You make me sick. You will never have me!
On a lighter note this is what I scored :)
Take the quiz: "What type of kisser are you?"
This kind of kisser will be a good husband or wife.
Too bad I won't be gettin married! Hmmmm...I would be a house wife...lol...and I'd want to be the one to spoil you. So how does that work?